THE FEAR OF BEING A MARIACHI SINGER

If it comes out Mariachi, it may be who you are.
(Accept your own voice. Grrrr.)

After 3 weeks my voice is finally back, still a bit hoarse, I am trying not to talk too much (which is hard considering how much I have to catch up). Alas, this period gave me a good time for reflecting on a lot of things and since I love to do that the written way expect a bit of a thought-ladden post :).

As I was whining and complaining about my situation (I fear!) Joy and I coincidentally talked about Chakras and she said that "a challenge to the throat chakra is to express ourselves in the most truthful manner. Repressing our anger or displeasure by ignoring our feelings through evasive sweet talk, or silence, will manifest into throat imbalances such as strep throat, laryngitis, speech impediments, and so on." Wow, I thought. I talk quite frequently and make my opinion heard among friends and colleagues, no problem. Still I noticed there is a side of me that has become silent. Many things I would like to share never seem appropriate in any kind of conversation. Worries, that become jokes, sorrows, that become cynicism, believes that duck under the fear of being seen naive or romantic (talk about clinging to the image of "cool"!). There is a growing desire in me to speak up and present my ideas on a larger (& deeper) level.

"The voice is one of our most powerful instruments, lying at the heart of the communication process. It belongs to both the body and the mind. It is shaped by our earliest infant experience and by powerful social conventions. It bridges our internal and external worlds, travelling from our most private recesses into the public domain, revealing not only our deepest sense of who we are, but also who we wish we weren't. It's a superb guide to fear and power, anxiety and subservience, to another person's vitality and authenticity as well as our own." (Anne Karpf - The Human Voice)

I picked up a book I had ordered time ago without ever opening it: "Women seen and heard - Lessons learned from successful speakers." (Lois Phillips, Anita Perez Ferguson) A paragraph in the introduction stood out for me: "... had found her voice - not just the ability to express ideas and project her voice, but the confidence that came when one exercizes the right to free speech. She had realized that it was both emotionally and professionally costly to remain silent. She had learned that she needed to be able to clearly express her feelings in order to relate to others, and that it didn´t help to be defensive about them."
The chapter claims that if we don´t speak up the audience (or friends, family, foes) loses out by not gaining the benefits of our wisdom/insights. And if we don´t use our tools fully we will not live fully either. (To repeat and repeat and repeat that may finally hammer it into minds.)

My friend told me that it is typical for me (I, who have the desire to be more powerful with words and would need to practise excessively) to start a blog with drawings instead. Yes and no, I answered. (I whacked some, too!) It is a closer step to being an opera singer by singing Mariachi then from not singing before an audience at all.

PS: As good talking is related to good listening, I am posting this link to Dave Pollard´s recent entry about re-learning to listen. He posts a great quote by Karl Menninger: "Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. (...) When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand."